The never ending worry

Today, I am 33 weeks pregnant with our sweet little mister.  Thursday’s have become major days for me. Every Thursday that I wake up still pregnant, I’ve made it another week.

When I was pregnant with our twins, at my 6 week postpartum appointment when I asked what happened, the only answer that I got (and still get) is pre-term labor. No one can tell me anything besides that.

With this pregnancy, we’ve taken every precaution possible to keep this baby in as long as possible and ward off pre-term labor the best we can.  Medications, injections, ultrasounds, you name it.  However, sometimes no matter what you do, your body has a mind of it’s own.

I’ve been on bed rest for 2 weeks.  Granted, I’ve been on modified bed rest, but, according to my husband (and really, it’s been the truth), I’ve basically been on full bed rest.  My days consist of waking up when Alex gets up for work, taking naps, watching netflix, browsing online, watching ridiculous you tube videos, reading, you name it.  All of this to try and keep little mister in longer.

Ironically, almost to this day last year, I was placed on bed rest for almost the same reasons.  Pre-term contractions/labor. Which, going along with this, also means that almost a year ago, we welcomed and said goodbye to our sweet boys.

On my list of things that I’ve been doing, stressing and having anxiety can now also be added to the list.

I went to the doctor today (They’ve been having me come once a week since I was released from the hospital) and, well… it didn’t go exactly how I had planned.

I’m now dilated to 4 cm, and 80% effaced.  They’re worried about the amount of contractions i’m still having despite being on a medication to stop them. And well, after I told my doctor that I feel like i’m just a ticking time bomb, after checking me, he said my fuse is probably very short.  😦  So, we went from a regular happy “You’re doing great!” appointment, to making sure things were as ready for delivery as they could be.

So, here I am at home, laying in bed, just waiting.  And praying, SO hard and having VERY stern talks with little mister that he will stay in there just a week longer.  That’s all I need, really.  And that’s not too much to ask for, right?

Realistically, i’m setting up mini milestones for myself.

  1. Wake up and go through out tomorrow still being pregnant.
  2. Make it through my baby shower on Saturday still pregnant.
  3. Make it through Tuesday still pregnant (Our oldest twin, Jaxson’s birthday)
  4. Make it through Wednesday still pregnant (James’ birthday, and also the day that our new insurance kicks in)
  5. Make it to 34 weeks on Thursday.

Really, those are easy and simple goals, right?! They can’t be too hard to accomplish!

So, today will be spent trying to get my anxiety and stress under control.  If you need me, i’ll be here drinking my horrible diet coke and eating Cadbury chocolate eggs, and making it through my goals.

 

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