It was a Saturday morning. It had been foggy the previous night, and it hadn’t quite cleared out yet. Alex loaded my bag into the car, and we set off to the hospital.
When we arrived, we parked close to the doors in “Labor and delivery only” parking. A security guard was standing by the doors and questioned us as to why we parked there. Alex kindly explained to him that I was in labor and we were heading up to be checked in. I was impressed with how well Alex handled that situation, because I knew he was beyond stressed.
We got up the fifth floor, labor and delivery. We picked up the phone (its a locked unit) and I explained to the lady that I had been having contractions, and my doctors office had advised me to come in and get checked out. She let us in, and called the head nurse for a room to put me in. Soon we were being lead to room 16.
Once in the room, they gave me a gown to change into, told me they would need a urine sample, and that a nurse would be in shortly. Once changed, I settled into the bed and waited. The head nurse for the shift was soon in our room. She hooked the babies up to the monitor, and did the best she could to find their heartbeats, considering how little they were. I was having regular contractions that she could feel on my stomach, but that the monitor wasn’t picking up. She checked me to see if I was dilated at all, and once she felt my bag of water, she stopped checking and advised we wait for the doctor.
The OB office that I go to has you rotate through all of the doctors in the clinic, because they rotate being on call at the hospital. They like you to do this so that you can get to know each of them, since you never know who will be there the day you deliver. Lucky for me, this particular weekend happened to be one of the doctors I had seen in my short visits to the office, and one that I really liked. He came in and checked me, and told me that I was dilated to 3, I was 50% effaced, and that he could definitely feel baby A’s amniotic sac. He said the plan was to monitor over the weekend, strict bed rest, and see where we were Monday morning.
We let our families know, Alex ran home to grab a few things that we had forgotten, and that I needed in order to make it through the long weekend. He returned and we settled in for our stay. We were an emotional mess. I was scared. I knew the outcome, and it wasn’t a very good one. I knew that viability for babies was 24 weeks, and with twins, it was slim at 24 weeks for them to both live. I tried not to stress, but it was hard.
We had a nurse (our nurse assigned to us at the time) who came into our room a couple of times and told us that she wanted to talk to us. She finally came in and sat down and talked. I still to this day, refer to her as the “dooms day nurse”. Why is that you ask? Well, let me tell you. She sat down on the stool next to my bed and told Alex and I that if we wanted to keep these babies in, I had to lay in trendelenburg position at all times, not get up to even use the bathroom. She highly recommended that I get used to the idea of using the bathroom at all times while in bed. I would do this for weeks, and I would be 100% committed to doing that if I wanted my babies to have any chance at all. She then went on to say that even if we did try that, we would probably end up having our babies pass away anyway.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I understand that she was trying to help us see the reality of the situation, but Alex and I were both very much aware of the situation. I sobbed for easily an hour after she left our room. Luckily, the unit was slow and they sent her home around 8:00 that night. I couldn’t have been happier, especially because she was replaced with the sweetest nurse possible.
As I laid in bed, I sat watching the contraction monitor barely picking up any of the contractions I was feeling. I remember laying there at midnight and watching it switch from me being 20.6 weeks to 21 weeks and thinking to my self “Just a few more weeks babies, we can do this.” I then drifted off to sleep.
Just before 2:00 AM, I woke up to a popping sound, and sudden complete wet feeling. I called out to Alex in a panic voice and told him that my water had just broke. I quickly called the nurses, and within seconds, we had three lovely nurses in our room who helped me change my gown and changed out my bedding. I asked what this meant, and all they told me was they were contacting the doctor on call. They transformed my room around, clearing things out, setting things up, etc. I still had the monitors on, and I wasn’t contracting anymore than I was before.
Before too long, the neonatologist who was on that night was in our room talking with us. She was telling me what I already knew. That if the babies were to come tonight, there would be nothing they could do. Where we did IVF, we knew exactly how old the babies were, and they were just too little. I appreciated her coming over, but it didn’t really help me any.
Around 3:00, my contractions changed. They were much more painful than they had been and were starting to get closer. I called out to my nurse, and she was in my room shortly after. She told me that I was in active labor and that I unfortunately was going to deliver that night. Soon after, the pressure came, and I had the feeling to push. The charge nurse had already set up for a delivery, and checked me to see if I was progressing. I had passed my bloody show, and she could feel baby parts as she checked. They had already paged the on call doctor who lived about 10 minutes away from the hospital, and he was on his way. We called my family to let them know what had happened, and they were on their way as well. Little did Alex and I know, but it was incredibly foggy outside, and visibility was poor. I remember feeling like I needed to push, and the nurses told me to try not to push, and to wait for the doctor. This was around 4:00. The doctor arrived soon after, I pushed, and we welcomed our sweet little “baby a”, Jaxson Charles into the world at 4:21 a.m. They tied off his umbilical cord, and left the placenta in place, in hopes to trick my body into thinking that there was still a baby in there, and that my cervix would close and labor would stop.
Holding him was the most amazing thing in the world. He had made me a Mom! I had waited for this day for so many years. Everything was perfect about him. His ears, his fingers, his toes, his little eyelashes, everything. We were able to snuggle him and hold him for about an hour and twenty minutes before he returned to live with our Heavenly Father. It was the most amazing, heart breaking hour and twenty minutes of my life.
Luckily, labor had stopped, and my cervix had pretty much closed back up after about two hours. I was given heavy doses of antibiotics, and we spent the day celebrating and mourning our little boy. Our families were both there to support us. We had an AMAZING bereavement specialist who came and helped us with our sweet boy. It wasn’t a day that we wanted, but given the circumstances, it was an amazing day remembering and honoring our sweet Jaxson boy.